Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It's 9:30 a.m. and I'm drinking coffee, blindly checking facebook, trying to reconcile myself with the cold hard fact that it's morning and I'm awake, when Mellen walks in.

Mellen: No rest for the wicked!

Alienated Receptionist: hi.

Mellen: How are you this morning Jenny?

Alienated Receptionist: Fine Mellen. Have you ever seen Intolerable Cruelty?

Mellen: No... I haven't. Is it any good?

Alienated Receptionist: I saw it this weekend. I think you should see it because it's about a family law attorney. It's pretty funny. By the Cohen Brothers.

Mellen: Is it out on DVD?

Alienated Receptionist: Yes, I just rented it this weekend.

Mellen: You know, I could have written most of those plots myself.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Receptionist's Log: August 7, 2008

I always suspected that I might hate the Toronto Sun. Now I know for sure.

This morning, as I arrived at work, I was greeted by one of the most obnoxious women I've ever known -- for the purpose of discretion lets call her Mellen -- and asked if I was familiar with the Sunshine Girls. I replied that I've heard of them, but never actually seen one, because I don't read the Sun. The fifty-year-old divorce lawyer, and 3 time divorce then triumphantly presented me with a picture of herself emerging from some kind of water feature in a string bikini and what I've always heard referred to as a Farrah-Fawcette haircut. She asked me if I was ready for a laugh, but my response was closer to a choke or maybe a cough. I was hoping never to have to set my eyes on that much Mellen skin, but today my fate was sealed. I will spend the rest of my days resenting the Toronto Sun.

Mellen is getting the picture framed today (actually laminated which is worse) and mounting it on her wall. A copy of the original newspaper is currently sitting on the table in the staff room with a sticky note attached to it saying "yup that's me, Mellen". I'm sad to admit that I provided her with said sticky note. I wanted to scream 'GET YOUR OWN DAMN OFFICE SUPPLIES, YOU LAZY OLD DRAG QUEEN', but didn't have the nerve.

I am not impressed.

Oh well

SOS Good Witch of the West

Good morning faithful readers,

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find a way to force me to quit my job.

Let me be more specific. I'm not asking you to convince me to quit my job. I'm already sure that it's a good idea, because this job is seriously impeding my thesis progress, and it's so comfortable that I could get stuck in it forever. What I need is some momentum; a reason to stand up and quit now, as opposed to waiting for a better more convenient moment, 'cause a convenient moment my never come.

Some obstacles to consider: first, Money. I like money. It's been good to me and I owe it respect for enhancing my quality of life. But if I quit my job, I will stop making money, and I will be unable to pay my rent and tuition, and likely feel as though my position in the world is a lot more fragile. Of course, I could get another less-time-demanding job [likely waitressing again(sarcastic exclamation)] and I have a line of credit that I can lean on for $ 8000 or so, but both of these options scare me for equal but different reasons. Second obstacle, Loyalty. I like the people at my job. Like money, they also have been good to me. I respect them, and they've enhanced the quality of my life. But I think they're under the delusion that I'll be here for at least another 6 months. I make a pretty fantastic salary considering the minuscule amount of responsibility that I have, and I have benefits, which I am yet to fully exploit. The whole situation is kind of hard to shake.

But these obstacles pale when compared to the greater obstacle that is my thesis. It's the highest most daunting mountain that makes the other surrounding hills appear like pathetic, self-indulgent wastes of time. My problem right now is that I'm stuck on a particularly hazardous but sweet smelling hill, and that the sweetness scares me like poppies from the Wizard of Oz (or worse those mean trees who throw the apples). I'd like to just lie down and sleep (or eat wormy fruit), but something tells me I might get stuck lazing forever. I've been lost on this hill for months (kind like I got lost in High Park last night. That place is a jungle!) and I'm worried that between the cookies, free drinks, and grassy hobbit holes, I'll forget about the mountain all together.

So somebody please snap me out of this! Snow on me, fire me, or die my hair green in my sleep so that I can't go to work!

If you succeed I'll reward you a hefty acknowledgment in my finished thesis, and the green toy soldier that I appeared on my eggs when I went out for breakfast last weekend, and that I've been carrying around in my purse.
Godspeed everyone!

oh well,

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

This moment in time.

Dear faithful readers,
Assuming that some of you, and by some of you I mean likely all of you, and by all of you I mean one of you, are out of the country at the moment, I thought I'd fill you in on the newsworthy activity on this side of the world.

First thing's first. Alexander Solzhenitsyn, a Russian author, and political dissident passed away this Sunday. The headlines are now a blur severe looking Catholic priests and jowly bearded men holding candles out of respect. This is fascinating not only because the author of The Gulag Archipelago managed to survive communism, the reign of Stalin and live long past the official terrors of the KGB, but also because a writer was given what amounts to a state funeral and that it was attended by hundreds.

Second, Paris Hilton is running for President of the United States. Well not exactly, but she did release a campaign advertisement where she refers to John McCain as "white-haired dude", and outlines her new hybrid energy policy that involves both incentives for new energy saving technologies AND
off-shore oil drilling. John McCain later endorsed this plan as much better then Barack Obama's. Sigh.

Finally, Vince Li, the man who brutally murdered and cannibalized a total stranger on a Greyhound Bus last week, begged a Manitoba courtroom to be killed yesterday. The recent Chinese immigrant, who came to Canada on the federal skilled workers program in 2001, had spent time in a psychiatric institution. The police report that Li had drafted several resumes for various degrading positions at international chains such as Wal-Mart and McDonalds. The day before the murder he sold his brand new laptop for $60.00. I can't help but wonder if he was at all conscious or totally detached from reality when the incident occurred. From the evidence in this article, he seems to have undergone a severe form of culture shock, and honestly, I'm not terribly surprised. Hopefully this tragedy will force Canadians to reevaluate how we treat new immigrants. I want to do something with this story. I feel a Dennis Tourbin style painting coming on.

oh well.